Anger: Fighting With Fire

ILLUSTRATION: Tell a story about a time when you got angry — preferably about something silly.

• Anger. It’s the driving force behind some of the most cutting words you’ve ever heard.

•Whether it’s politicians glowing red in the face during a debate or families spiraling into conflict during a game of Monopoly, anger is a powerful emotion that breaks hearts and unravels relationships.

•We often think of anger as clenched fists and punched walls, but it goes so much deeper than that.

TENSION:

• I am sure many of you would say, “I don’t get angry.”

• Bluntly, yes, you do.

• Maybe you get annoyed when people don’t listen to you, so you raise your voice.

• Maybe you get frustrated when your life feels out of control, so you lash out at your loved ones.

• Maybe you get upset when you’ve been wronged, so you seek out revenge.

• Sure, you don’t call it anger.

• You may call it frustrated, annoyed, agitated, short-tempered, or upset. Still, it’s all rooted in the same feeling.

• The Proverbs are a collection of wise sayings passed down to a younger generation.

• Each stanza represents the kind of advice a father would give to a son or that an experienced coach would give to his team.

• Solomon teaches that wise people learn to control their anger. Notice, he doesn’t say that wise people never get angry.

• It’s just that they have learned to harness their anger.

• Paul echoes this concept in the New Testament by saying, “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

• This is interesting. Paul doesn’t say that anger is a sin. Rather, uncontrolled anger is where the problems arise. 

• This is crucial, because most of us have a negative view of anger because of the sin that it triggers. You must decide beforehand that  you will not allow your anger, frustrations, hurt, or pain lead you towards sin. 

• The anger isn’t the bad thing — it’s your reaction. 

• Your reaction is your responsibility. 

• People say, “They made me mad.” 

• No one makes you do anything — you are in control of your response. You aren’t a potted plant — not one picks you up and puts you somewhere else.

• You chose to go there. You chose to say that. You chose to punch the wall. 

• That’s on you — not them.

• You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. 

• You will not be able to control it in the moment of anger— you need to stop making excuses today. You must resolve to take care of your anger before it flares up. 

— TRANSITION —

We often think about anger exclusively in a negative light, but the Bible teaches that anger is a characteristic of God (Numbers 11:1-2). When Scripture discusses the anger of God, it’s often paralleled with fire. This is an intentional metaphor with a powerful message. Anger, like fire, is constructive when controlled and destructive when uncontrolled.

Without controlled fire, you wouldn’t have tacos, road trips, or electricity. When fire is controlled, it cooks, gives us warmth, gives us light, and helps propel a rocket-ship. However, you’ve also seen the destruction of uncontrolled fire. For example,

shockwaves reverberated across the globe when the Amazon burned. A little spark led to destruction on an international scale. Uncontrolled fire kills, harms, and leads to loss.

Let’s parallel this principle to our anger. Uncontrolled anger pushes people away, screams things that can never be taken back, destroys relationships, and punches walls. Controlled anger pushes you towards holiness, helps us fight for our loves ones, and helps us understand our core values in life. Controlled anger, like fire, can refine you.

When you feel anger bubbling up inside your gut, you’re at a crossroads. You can either control your anger or let it control you. When anger erupts, follow these simple steps:

So, how do we confront conflict in a way that’s helpful and not harmful?

1. Delay

• Simply pause.

• Hold your tongue.

• Don’t spout off something stupid.

• Stop before you speak.

• The first step is often the most complicated, but it’s crucial. Reacting slowly will revolutionize your relationship with your feelings.

• Delay before you say anything.

2: Step away.

• Take a walk. Do something that calms you down.

• This is not permission to storm out of a room and slam a door.

• Rather, this is when you actively decide to be different.

• This is not the same as ignoring someone or giving the silent treatment.

• Tell the person that you need a chance to collect your thoughts and process your emotions.

ILLUSTRATION: Anger is like an iceberg.

• Anger is usually just an outward of expression of deeper emotions.

• You need to figure out the why behind your anger, because that is where the real healing can take place.

• In order to process your emotions, you need to pause figure out your cause.

• Once you learn the cause, you need to confess the cause. Be vulnerable

about what is upsetting you.

• Don’t put up your defenses.

• Don’t cut them down.

• Don’t play the martyr and try to make them feel worse.

• Don’t bottle it up and let it turn to bitterness.

• Once you know the cause, confess the cause.

• Then, actually do that. Take a walk, engage with your emotions, or spend a few minutes in meditation.

3: Pray

• It’s crucial that you invite God into your feelings.

• He will empower you to rise above your natural reactions.

• Pause and pray because there is power in the pause.

• Prayer fills you with the fruit of the spirit, like love, joy, peace, patience, etc.

• These God-given virtues will help you react responsibly.

4: Convey

• If you’re angry with a person, tell them how you really feel.

• If you’re angry with a situation, talk to someone about it after you’ve taken some time to delay, step away, and pray.

• Fight your urge to react harshly.

• Instead, talk about your feelings honestly and thoughtfully.

• Confession leads to restoration.

• Landing: As we discussed, anger is like a fire. What is fire often used for?

• Fuel.

• Your emotions are healthy.

• Learn how to make friends with your feelings.

• As you learn to control and harness your frustrations, it will begin to fuel you forward.

• Let it compel you to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.

• Let it fuel you to become more aware of your emotions and needs.

• Allow it to break your heart for what breaks God’s.

• Let your natural anger teach you to rise above destructive tendencies. 

• Allow anger to fuel you towards the future God has for you, your family, and your friends. 

TALK IT OUT 

Go through these questions with your circle. Be honest. Be open. Talk through the tough stuff.

Q1: What actions do you usually take when you get angry?

Q2: How can righteous anger be used for good?

Q3: How can uncontrolled anger be harmful?

Q4: Why is it so important to God that you control your anger?

Q5: What can you do to control your anger?

Q6: What injustice makes you angry? How can you harness that anger to take measures that will make a difference? 

READ THESE PASSAGES IN ORDER EVERY DAY

Psalm 25:11-12 

Matthew 26:26-28

Matthew 5:5-7 

Psalm 145:17-19 

Romans 11:29-33

Colossians 1:11-14 

Psalm 51:1-3  2

Corinthians 5:17-19 

Psalm 51

Do the following with each passage: 

ASK– God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down and inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you today.

READ– the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT– on what grabs you. How does this passage personally relate to your own life and experiences?

RESPOND– to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered4