How To Have A Good Church Fight!

Big Idea If Eye To Eye You Can’t See, You’ve Gotta Learn To Agree To Disagree!

Power Verse In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing. – Philippians 2:14

Scenario One

Emily’s mother walks by the overflowing trash can in the kitchen. She shouts for Emily to come into the kitchen, and then yells at Emily because she hasn’t taken out the trash. Emily gets mad, screaming that it’s Jacob’s turn to take out the trash, not hers. Emily’s mom angrily tells her to empty it anyway. Emily does, and both Emily and her mom leave the room fuming. This scene, and others like it, happens frequently.

• What could Emily’s mom have done differently?

• What could Emily have done differently?

• What could have prevented the conflict?

• Now that they’ve argued, what should they do to resolve their conflict?

Scenario Two

Michael wants his curfew to be changed from 10:00 to midnight. He repeatedly begs his parents to let him stay out later, but they refuse. Although they don’t verbally argue, both Michael and his parents feel the gulf developing between them. Michael has become sullen and uncommunicative; his parents refuse to budge on their position. They’ve had this same kind of argument before over Michael’s hair and his clothes.

•How can this conflict be resolved?

•What are some ways to deal with these types of conflicts in the future?

Often there’s no easy answer to resolving family conflicts. It almost always requires both sides to be willing to communicate and compromise. Here are some tips that might be helpful when dealing with conflict within your family:

1. Prevent the conflict from happening. In Scenario 1, for example, Emily and Justin could take turns emptying the trash each week. Their mom could post a schedule on the refrigerator. Then there would be no question as to whose turn it is to empty the trash.

2. Take the emotions out of the situation. Michael and his parents could write down their reasons for why they do or don’t want to extend the curfew and then discuss them. This might help each of them see the other person’s viewpoint and be more objective.

3. Remember the other person. When dealing with matters of preference or opinion, parents and children alike should learn to ask themselves, “Is being ‘right’ or getting my own way worth possibly damaging our relationship?” Hard but important lesson to learn.

4. Read Romans 12:18 and discuss how living at peace with other people is a choice. Emphasize to your children that while there are times when they must stick to their principles, many conflicts are disagreements over opinions or preferences, and those can be avoided simply by choosing not to fight.