Finding The One

ILLUSTRATION: Tell a love story. This can be from your life or from a famous film.

— TRANSITION —

We all love a good love story, but sometimes they set us up with unrealistic expectations. We have these visions of a prince charming or little mermaid coming into our lives and making everything perfect. That’s not how it works.

• Movies & TV shows have conditioned us to think that our lives will hit perfect harmony when we discover the right person for us. [Consider adding examples.]

• However, no person is going to bring you perfect peace and harmony.

◦ They will fail you.

◦ They will make mistakes.

◦ They will fall short.

◦ They won’t complete you.

▪ God is the only one who can complete you. With Him, you aren’t missing anything.

• Before you start dating, really take a look at who you are and who you are becoming. Don’t just try to discover the right person. Instead, strive to develop into the right person.

• Focus on development, not discovery.

— TRANSITION —

God is far more concerned with your character than your future partner. There are only a few verses in scripture about finding a significant other — but there are thousands about building your character.

That’s why it’s crucial that we start the conversation about dating by looking inwardly instead of outwardly.

We can certainly pull some powerful insight from passages and proverbs that focus on your character.

Let’s look at a practical example in James.

• James was the brother of Jesus. He inevitably spent a lot of time with Jesus, even before his preaching ministry began. This means that he had a front row seat to the life of the wisest person to ever live — Jesus.

• Thus, he wrote down a collection of wise sayings.

• James was written in the same style as Proverbs in the Old Testament. This is a New Testament version of ancient wisdom literature.

• Each line acts as a piece of advice — specially written to help you live a better life.

• This passage isn’t directly about dating, but it gives us a powerful principle to help us date better.

James tells us that it’s not about who you are looking for, rather it’s about who you are becoming in life.

ILLUSTRATION: Bring Out a Mirror

• Imagine you look in the mirror and notice a piece of Kale in your teeth or some chocolate pudding on your cheek.

• First of all, that was a weird lunch.

• Second of all, you’d clean yourself up, right?

• It would be foolish to see this problem and not fix it immediately.

• However, we do this all the time. We see dangerous behavior in our lives over and over again, but we don’t do anything about it.

• We don’t try to fix our problems when we see them. Instead, we choose to ignore them, avoid them, or deny them. James considers that foolish.

• This is what we are urging you to do tonight. Take a look in the mirror.

• Take a close look at yourself.

• Ask yourself — are you ready for a relationship? Are you spiritually mature? Are you emotionally healthy? Is the Bible changing your behavior?

• If the answer is no, then take some time to honestly work on yourself.

• Before you step into a relationship, you should be asking God, “Am I becoming the person you want me to be?”

• This is how Andy Stanley said it: Stop looking for “the one” and start becoming “the one.”

— TRANSITION —

Before you start looking for anyone, take a good look at yourself. Here are three steps to take before you start dating:

1. Start with self-discovery

• Take an honest look at yourself.

• Take an inventory of your spiritual maturity.

• It’s easy to date for validation, but you should find your identity in who God says you are.

• It’s convenient to date because that’s what everyone else is doing, but do you truly feel like you're ready for this emotional and spiritual commitment?

• Most people date the way everyone else dates, but are you ready to build a relationship that reflects God?

2: Let God prepare you for the right person

• If you’re looking for the perfect person, you won’t find them. They don’t exist.

• Focus on letting God prepare you for the right person.

• Grow closer to God.

• Become secure in who He says you are.

• Seek healing in places where you need it.

• Let God transform and mature you into someone who is ready for a healthy, God-honoring relationship.

3: Seize your single season

• Leverage this time to:

Know yourself better. And grow in your faith deeper.

• Your next relationship will be stronger and healthier because you are stronger and healthier.

TALK IT OUT Go through these questions with your circle. Be honest. Be open. Talk through the tough stuff.

Q1: Who’s the most die-hard romantic you know? How do they talk about dating/love?

Q2: What do people often expect their significant others to bring into their lives that can really only come from God and themselves?

Q3: What happens when you depend on a significant other to fix everything in y life?

Q4: Have you been spending more time looking outwardly for the one or reflecting inwardly to grow into the one?

Q5: Where do you think God wants you to be emotionally, spiritually, and personally when you enter a relationship?

Q6: Pick one hole in your life that you’ve been believing a significant other woul eventually fill or make better. What can you focus on to begin to allow God to heal/f you in that area right now?

READ THESE PASSAGES IN ORDER EVERY DAY

Isaiah 49:14-16

John 20:24-29

Romans 8:26-30

Psalm 103 1

Corinthians 2:9

John 13:34 1

Corinthians 13:1

Do the following with each passage:

ASK– God to connect with you here. In prayer, start by slowing down and inviting God to be present. Begin with focus and openness to see what God has for you today.

READ– the selected section of Scripture slowly. Take note of the words and phrases that intrigue you, reading them a second time if necessary.

REFLECT– on what grabs you. How does this passage personally relate to your own life and experiences?

RESPOND– to the Scripture. Speak directly to God about what’s on your mind and heart. Look for ways to live out what you’ve uncovered.